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Possibly more difficult than actually competing in a triathlon is the onerous task of convincing your spouse to let you train for one, especially if you have a lot of kids. Well, don’t fear. After reading this post, you’ll have all the tools necessary to not only get your spouse to support your decision to train but practically kick you out the door to do so.

The Life Expectancy Argument

I’m going to make an assumption here that your spouse actually wants to be around you well into old age and isn’t secretly plotting ways to cash in on your life insurance policy. That being the case, there’s no better argument you can make than the Life Expectancy Argument. Sadly, for my women readers, this works best for men, unless you are significantly older than your husband. The conversation can go something like this:

Husband: Did you know that the life expectancy for men is five years less than that of women.

Wife: Of course, doesn’t everybody know that.

Husband: I suppose so. I’ve just been thinking a lot about that lately. I love you and want to spend as many of our golden years together as possible.

Wife: Me too, honey. I guess you should probably stop eating full pints of Ben & Jerry’s at a time.

Husband: I’m glad you brought that up. I have an even better idea. I’ve always wanted to do triathlon. All that training may be just what I need to jump-start a healthy lifestyle.

It’s time to sign up for your first race.

The Baby Blues Tactic

Since my first strategy works best for men, my next is specifically for women. Warning to men: do not try this. If you do, you may never be allowed to say the word “triathlon” in your home again. The baby blues are common shortly after giving birth (at least that’s what my wife tells me). Your husband is likely to feel sorry for you as you struggle with depression and the difficulties of caring for a newborn. Use this to your advantage. After a particularly difficult day, just when your husband is trying to get to sleep, say something like, “You know what would help me get out of this funk? I’ve been thinking of training for a triathlon.” He can have only one response. It’s time to start looking for a new bike. As a bonus, the training may actually pull you out of the baby blues.

The Training Together Strategy

Doing things together as a couple is great for relationships. Could there be anything better to do than training together for a triathlon? This conversation can start with something like “I think it would be great if we could spend more time together doing something we like.” Don’t bring up triathlon immediately. You’ll want to start with several activities your spouse is sure to hate, like watching football, crocheting, or donating plasma. Only then should you suggest triathlon. Take caution with this approach. You may find that you’ve created a triathlon monster when your spouse signs you both up for an Ironman.

The Jogging Stroller/Bike Trailer Approach

This is a great strategy if you have kids. Any spouse will be more than delighted to have you take the kids out of the house when you go running or cycling. Just load them up in a jogging stroller or bike trailer and off you go. I suggest implementing this tactic in the spring to give you plenty of time before winter hits when it may not be feasible to take your kids out in the cold. By then, it will be too late.

The Midlife Crisis Method

To begin this approach, you will need to start collecting as many catalogs and brochures as you can find about motorcycles, sports, cars, or vacations to exotic—and expensive—locations. Strategically leave them in locations around the house where they are sure to be noticed. Don’t say anything about them. When your spouse brings them up, casually say something like, “I’m just dreaming” or “I just feel like I need more excitement in life”. After a week or so of this, you can then, in an excited voice, say “I’ve got it! I’ll do a triathlon!” By now, your spouse will be so relieved that you aren’t about to splurge on a sports car or a vacation you can’t afford, they’ll gladly agree. At this point, they’re not likely to know that a triathlon bike can cost just as much.

There you go. If you follow my advice, I guarantee that you’ll be out there training within a month. I just can’t guarantee that you’ll still be married.